Let It Rip

Sometimes I feel held back.

Held back by the need to explain.

I have a deep desire to be understood.

Especially when I indulge in behavior that’s irregular.

I want to experiment.

I want to explore.

I want to go on uncertain adventures.

Uncertain adventures that don’t offer upfront answers.

But, when I do, I tend to face questions:

“Why are you doing that?”

“Why are you going there?”

“Why is that worth your time / energy / money?”

I wish I was unbothered by these questions.

But, in truth, these questions frustrate me.

Because, once asked, I begin to see that this desire to be understood conflicts with my chosen way of living:

And I’ve come to learn that:

Often, what intuition surfaces doesn’t make senses.

Following intuition requires faith.

Faith in something that transcends clear communication.

Faith in a whisper that doesn’t offer clarification.

Faith in something greater.

Faith in the Source.

Faith in the Great Creator.

I can see that my desire to be understood comes from an understandable place.

So, I want to offer my desiring self grace.

I want to be accepted by others.

I don’t want to be left on the outside as an “other.”

I want to receive validation.

I don’t want to receive condemnation.

I want to be a part of the crew.

I don’t want to face exclusion.

I want to be loved.

I don’t want to be alone.

I’m afraid to be alone.

And this fear manifests as desire.

A desire to be understood by others.

My desire to experiment, explore, and go on uncertain adventures is rooted in something greater.

I want to discover the Truth.

I want to get to the Truth… layer-by-layer.

These are the tools & conditions I’ve chosen for this journey.

Because I find that I’m more open to discovery when I’m resting in uncertainty.

The moment I’m comfortable in familiarity, my ego shares its predictions on what’ll happen and who I’ll be.

Meanwhile, when engaging in new experiences, my ego is given no such opportunity.

My ego has never been to this place, practiced this skill, or met this person previously.

So, my ego doesn’t enjoy the luxury of pre-conceptions, expectations, or identities.

I’ve discovered that the Truth is found in the unfamiliar.

Layers beneath my usual stories.

Layers beneath my usual stories.

The Truth rests in uncertainty.

The Truth exists beyond conviction.

The Truth exists when I’m willing to make this admission:

Because the moment I offer this admission with humility,

I’m now open to the Truth.

The Truth that’s been resting layers beneath my usual stories.

I don’t know how we got here.

And I don’t know where the rest of this piece is going.

But I’m not worried.

I’m not afraid.

I trust that we’re right where we’re supposed to be.

On this line.

Resting on this line.

Resting in uncertainty.

Why is this piece titled, “Let It Rip”?

I don’t know that answer either.

The best explanation I’ve got is:

“That’s the title that the Source gifted me when I started.”

I haven’t been authoring this piece.

I’ve just been translating what I’m hearing.

I haven’t been authoring this life story.

I’ve just been listening and following.

Sometimes this leads to irregular behavior.

Sometimes this means I must forsake predictability.

Sometimes this means I must die to past identity.

Often this means I’m not afforded the luxury of explainability.

Often this means that other people don’t understand me.

But, in Truth, I don’t mind as much as I used to.

I’ve relaxed my need to satisfy this desire.

I have faith that this will all make senses eventually.

I wrote a book.

I don’t know why.

But, now that it’s live…

In the Translator’s Note, I offered this disclaimer:

And, with that, I won’t attempt to explain this book any further.

If you’re so inspired, you’re welcome to read the full book here.

You’re welcome to unpack this collection of pieces,

If you fancy a journey into the unfamiliar.