Deepen Faith

Today marks 30 years since my creation.

I didn’t create myself.

I just showed up.

I just appeared.

It wasn’t the product of my own free will.

It wasn’t a solo journey to arrive on this Earth.

I didn’t play a part in my creation.

I was on the receiving end.

And as it turns out…

I’ve been on the receiving end since the beginning.

It’s taken me 3 decades to admit this to myself.

It’s taken me 3 decades to say this out loud.

Why?

Why is it so hard to admit?

Because my ego wants to take responsibility for all of this.

My ego wants to preserve its self-importance.

My ego wants to plant its flag on the Earth and declare, “I did this!!!”

“I created this!”

“Look at me and all I’ve accumulated! And, as you do, please recognize my worthiness.”

My ego doesn’t want to admit that it’s had help.

My ego doesn’t want to admit that it’s had a whole lotta help.

My ego doesn’t want to admit that it’s been on the receiving end from the beginning.

I didn’t create myself.

I just showed up.

I just appeared.

I was gifted this experience.

So, let me be clear…

I, I, I did not do any of this.

I am on the receiving end,

As I’ve always been.

I am on the receiving end of inspiration,

As I surrender to being a vessel for creativity.

I am on the receiving end of this experience,

As I surrender to being a force of loving energy.

I am guided by a Source, the Source.

The Source that is inside & beyond me.

I am gifted this experience by a Great Creator, the Great Creator.

The Great Creator that is at One with and unknowable to me.

I spent the last couple years asking these questions.

But, now, the answers are no longer important to me.

I don’t know why I’m here.

I don’t know where I’m going.

I don’t need these answers anymore.

I am at peace inhabiting the uncertainty.

The end of my 20s gifted me an opportunity.

An opportunity to deepen faith.

To take the leap without guaranteeing the landing.

To ask the question and trust the answer.

To inhabit uncertainty and live the mystery.

I don’t bother asking these questions anymore.

Questions like:

Or

The only question I ask now:

And then I do everything in my power to take action on the answer.

I do everything in my power to let go of my ego.

I do everything in my power to surrender.

In the last year of my 20s, I wrote a book.

I dedicated it to the question-askers and answer-trusters.

You can find it here if you want to explore some questions & answers together.

In the meantime, as I turn the page on this new decade, I dedicate my life to the Great Creator.

Because without the Great Creator, I — along with the rest of this — wouldn’t exist.

And, now, in this new decade, I find real beauty & liberation in that admission.