I suddenly knew

6/5/25

Exactly 18 months ago, today, I had a vision.

The experience of this vision changed everything.

Because the experience of this vision changed the way I see.

It changed the way I see myself.

It changed the way I see other people.

It changed the way I see this big ole, physical world in which we find ourselves.

I've held back on sharing this for 18 months now because I've been afraid. Moments ago, I wrote this Note to Myself in order to quell the fears of sharing what's to follow:

Before sharing this piece, I’m afraid. I’m afraid that it won’t be good enough. I’m afraid that I won’t do the vision justice. I’m afraid that it won’t be received well. I’m afraid that I’ll be seen as a weirdo. I’m afraid that I’ll become famous. I’m afraid that absolutely nothing will come of this. I’m afraid that, after I release this, I’ll have nothing left. I’ll have no reason to delay anymore. I’ll have no excuse for hanging on to the past while avoiding moving forward. I’m afraid that if I release this, then I’ll never be gifted divine inspiration again. I’m afraid that it’s going to be a lot of work. I’m afraid of the future shame. I’m afraid of the future fame. I’m afraid because I don’t know what’s going to happen.

OK, so these are the fears. These fears stem from confusion. These fears are baseless, projecting certainty onto an uncertain future. "There's no wisdom in the future." And this situation isn’t any different. I don’t know what will happen when I share this. Maybe nothing. But the result is none of my business. My task is to hear the directive, then do the work. I’ve spent the past 18 months preparing for this. I’ve spent the past 18 months preparing to share this. Now, I am ready. Forward. Forward. Forward without fear. Let the fear wash away. Be held by love. See the light. Feel the light. Be my Light Being. Have no fear.

I'm not sharing this piece to convince you what to believe. I have no desire to be proven "right." I'm simply sharing an experience, communicating a vision that had an immeasurable impact on me. I'd encourage you to draw your own conclusions. I'd encourage you to use your own experiences as evidence.

Disclaimer: there's inherent limitations in using words to describe something that's witnessed. Much like the word "blue" doesn't properly represent the experience of seeing the color, I don't expect these words to fully embody the vision. That said, I'm going to do my best. After all, sharing what's honest & doing my best are the only expectations I'll ever set. If I were a skilled painter, then I'd run towards the canvas. If I could get a video recording of what I saw in my head, then that would make this whole thing a lot easier. However, basic stick figures are the best I've got and our tech hasn't gotten there yet. So, I'll do my best with the words that I wield. Just because it won't be perfect, doesn't mean it's not worth trying. I've given up attempts to be perfect. I'm just focused on being good instead. So, with proper caveats in place, may this piece be a foggy window into what I witnessed.

Finally, to the set the scene, this vision came to me as I lay atop a hotel bed in New York City. A few days earlier, I'd woken up to a deeply disturbing realization: "I don't know what I want." It was a feeling of immense emptiness. I didn't know whether I wanted to continue in my relationship. I didn't know whether I wanted to stay at my company. I didn't know whether I wanted to sign a lease in NYC. To clarify, I didn't have conviction that I didn't want these things. I simply didn't know. I had no answers. I didn't know what I wanted to do that day. I didn't even know what I wanted for breakfast. I was just blank. Everything was empty.

I vocalized these concerns to my then-partner. She suggested that I create the space to do some soul-searching. I'm grateful for this suggestion because it ended up being a huge gift. It's also why I found myself in a hotel room a couple days later.

I spent these days walking for hours along the West Side Highway. I was searching for conviction. I wanted answers. I phoned two of my most-trusted confidants in order to talk it out. They did their best to listen and ask questions. I appreciated their thoughtful presence, but our interactions only served to frustrate me further. Even after all of this talking, nothing made sense anymore! As someone who always got A's on the test, I got progressively more frustrated when I didn't have the answers.

I found myself in a deep state of confusion. I was exceptionally lost. And it was terrifyingly scary.

So, on this random Tuesday night in early December, after one of these hours-long phone conversations, I surrendered. I surrendered to the Reality that I didn't know what I wanted. I acknowledged this truth, rather than resisting it. Then, I tried a new tactic... I asked for guidance.

"I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. Please show me something. I'm lost. I don't know."

After making this request, I tossed on a Ram Dass track, laid back on the bed, and closed my eyes. The moment the meditation finished, I entered into a deep stillness. Everything was quiet.

Then, I witnessed.

The following collection of pieces are an attempt to articulate this vision. The following collection of pieces are an attempt to confront its implications.

This vision rerouted the river of my existence. Therefore, I feel called to share it with you.

So, without further ado...

I suddenly knew

12/5/23

I dropped into this place, then it all became clear. Fear evaporated. Doubts disappeared. Clarity rushed in to take their place.

The walls of separation crumbled, as I found myself in a space of vibrant, yet gentle light. I felt held & supported, like being wrapped in a warm hug from a long, lost friend. I felt effortlessly suspended, like floating in the ocean.

I embodied a glowing form. I'd stepped outside the body I'd known my whole life. I'd taken on the shape of what I can only imagine is the shape of my spirit. My skin was replaced by soft edges of emanating rays. My whole body was an illuminated, glowing static. I was no longer bound to my physical existence.

My whole body, my whole being, was encased in this glowing light. It was the same light that embodied the space all around me.

I moved freely without pain or strain. I was wide awake & fully aware. I felt fearless. I felt unshakable confidence paired with penetrating humility. I was Whole, yet I had nothing to prove. I knew everything I needed to know. Questions remained, but I was content not to know.

I was my Light Being.

I looked out at the boundless expanse of light that surrounded me. This realm of light seemed to go on forever.

Then, I encountered another Light Being. When we saw each other, we gifted a greeting. No words were spoken. It was just a nod, as if to say, "Hello, I see you."

A warm greeting. We each acknowledged the other's existence. A brief moment of connection. Held together in this shared space.

In that moment, I suddenly knew... this simple, loving connection is all we're meant to do. This place represented my truest form of existence. I'd returned to The Love Plane. And oh, how I'd missed it.

—> I chose separation