No Wasted Energy

5/13/25

I just returned from a morning swim. An out-and-back route. The pier serving as my mark. The turnaround point in the distance. I had it in my sights, even though I’m quite atrocious at maintaining a straight line when I’m open water swimming. But that’s OK, I figured my zig-zagging on the way to the pier would aid in increasing my calorie burn. Here I was, hard-charging toward my landmark seamark, but getting there in the least efficient way possible. Ziggin & zaggin. Zaggin & ziggin. Keep it real big pimpin! Well… excuse the digression. Let’s break this down with the scientifics. As Pythagoras will remind us all, a straight line is the shortest distance between two points (or was his big thing 180 degrees? Or was it the abc discovery? I don’t remember. I learned all of this in 7th grade when I was more concerned about holding hands with my then-girlfriend than memorizing facts about shapes. But, regardless of whether my reference is accurate, I’ll continue to quote renowned scientists in order to support my argument). My zig-zaggin route to the pier was flying in the face of the most-profound-legacy-leaving Pythagoras. I was ignoring his life’s work and its implications. He quite literally gave me the formula on how to conserve energy on this swim. And yet, I was ignoring him. I was doing it wrong! With my eyes wide open! I could feel the judgment coming down from the heavens. Pythagoras with a look of disgust on his deceased-for-centuries face, spitting on my exposed back (or maybe that was just a trickle of tropical rain), as I metaphorically pissed on his theorem (and, quite literally, pissed in the ocean). But how could I so willingly be doing it wrong? With my eyes wide open no less! And yet… I didn’t give a sh*t. Because there was a newly-discovered theory at play in this scenario: The Vibe Check Theory of I-Must-Be-Perfect Negative Energy. The recently published results of an n=1 anecdotal study suggest that expecting perfection generates a mental state of profuse anxiety. This anxiety of the mind sends a shockwave of tension into the body. This tensing against the present situation necessitates consistent energy to maintain. Energy that could have otherwise been directed toward swimming. As I started the swim towards the pier, I was doing my best to make Pythagoras proud. I started the swim with the intention of swimming in a straight line. I wanted to conserve energy by arriving at my destination in the most efficient way possible. I wanted to minimize my kcal burn. However, stroke-after-stroke, I realized that this Thomas Jefferson-inspired Pursuit of Happiness Perfection was going to generate a stroke if I kept this approach going. My shoulders were flexed. My insides were twisted. I was pushing against the water, rather than dropping into the flowing stream of my present existence. All this energy expended in the name of conserving energy for the sake of efficiency. The approach was egregiously myopic, like stealing money from your company and sacrificing your entire career when you have more than enough dough already. But, I digress… when I finally hit the pier, heart thumping out of my chest, clocking 150+ BPM, I decided to conduct a Vibe Check. As I just floated there, face-down, in the ~7-meters-deep water, probably looking like I was drowning from the shore, I became aware of the tension in my shoulders. The performance anxiety in my right trapezius dorsius, as well as the shame of disappointing Pythagoras in my left posterior scapula bladius. Then, as I floated there like a washed-up retiree swimmer, I made the conscious call to release it all. To simply let go of the negative energy that stemmed from trying to be perfect. The tension that arose from trying to live up to expectations. The striving that persisted until I efficiently & effectively & productively hit the mark way out there in the distance. I was at the half way point of my swim. But, after that release, it was as if I was starting a brand new one, as a brand new person. Here’s a glimpse of the internal conversation: “You don’t need to swim anymore. If you want to just cruise into the beach and walk home, then that’s perfectly acceptable. There are no expectations anymore. You’ve done enough already. You have nothing left to prove. Who are you trying to impress anyway? You’re floating alone in the ocean 40M offshore. So just release all these expectations. Who cares that you’re swimming “inefficiently”? Who cares if you’re conducting this swim “incorrectly”? Who cares if Pythagoras disapproves of your methods? You’ve never even met the guy. He probably wasn’t perfect. I’m sure he had his fair share of issues too. I bet he didn’t even put the seat down after he took a piss! So, let’s refocus on the age-old question: ‘What are you solving for?’ What’s your intention with this swim? Why are you doing this from the beginning? How does this swim fit into the grand scheme? All you wanted to do was get in the water and move your body this morning. You paddled out here and you already swam all the way to the pier. So, I’d consider this Mission Accomplished. I’m sure Tom Cruise would be proud (oh wait, that’s Mission Impossible… classic mixup. Oh well, Tommy’s probably not perfect either. I’m sure he’s got his own set of quirks and mental hurdles to clear). Such is the power of setting a clear intention. You wrote down in your journal right when you woke up that “Morning Movement” would be 1 of 3 things that would “make today great” (along with “Writing Session” and “Peaceful Reading”). It’s the morning and you’ve moved (you’re also writing right now and you have your book in your backpack, meaning you could go 3-for-3 this morning). So, you did it. Consider this whole excursion a success. Such is the benefit of setting a clear intention. You don’t have to second-guess whether the endeavor that you embarked on was worth it. You wanted to jump in the water and go for a swim. When you set that intention, there were no expectations of hitting the pier, clearing a specific distance, or moving at a particular speed. All you wanted to do was get moving. You did that. So, now, all the rest is BONUS. So drop all these expectations around ‘perfect performance.’ Those anxiety-inducing standards are simply an illusion. Drop them. Hand them over. Hand me your shame too. You don’t need it anymore. Just turn around, head back toward where you began, but this time do it with zero expectations. You can eject and swim toward the beach whenever you feel inspired to head in (or uninspired to keep swimming). But before you turn around & head back, release the tension, drop the shoulders. Don’t fight against the water. Do a dance with the ocean. Let it propel you forward. Surrender to the water that surrounds your whole body. Don’t resist it. Be One with it. Use it. Dance with it. Don’t resist it. Be One with it.” With that, I started my swim back. Flowing & Free. Free of tension. Free of anxiety. I swam all the way back to my origin point. On this return leg of the journey, I was completely unselfconscious of my pacing. I was completely unaware of whether I was swimming with directional efficiency. I simply didn’t care. I was dancing with the ocean. The swim was no longer a box to be checked. The swim was an experience to be enjoyed. There was no thought given to whether I was adhering to Pythagoras’s Most Profound Theorem. I let him have his. I was living in accordance with my own. I was living the antithetical of The Vibe Check Theory of I-Must-Be-Perfect Negative Energy. I’d conducted a Vibe Check. I’d dropped the I-Must-Be-Perfect expectation and evaporated all the Negative Energy that accompanied it. I surrendered to the moment. I surrendered to the ocean. And then I just flowed with it. In the end, I’m pretty sure I swam back 34 seconds faster and burned 27% fewer kcal than on the way to the pier. But, I can’t be sure. Because I wasn’t wearing a watch or a heart rate monitor. Because, in the end, I didn’t really care. Setting a beach-to-pier-to-beach PR and burning 700 kcal wasn’t what I was solving for.

P.S. - The below reflection, separately entitled, “What do I want in this moment?” was written in the same cafe only a few hours after I wrote “No Wasted Energy”, demonstrating that creating a new theory doesn’t mean that it gets adopted immediately and seamlessly. It takes consistent practice to make this sh*t stick.

I’m met with temptation in this moment. I’ve gone for a morning swim. I’ve had 3 doses of caffeine this “morning” (it’s now 2:44pm). I’ve had a banana smoothie, half a gallete, and half a yogurt bowl. I’ve read my book called, How Much Is Enough?. I’ve smoked a cig with Mark and played him in chess. Then, after going back to reading my book, I was struck by the final line in the chapter discussing the predicament of relentless strivers… When will we be done? When will we be ready to begin living? When will we throw our hands up and say, “OK! Enough already!”? I have enough. I’ve done enough. I am enough. What I want in this moment is to be done. To recognize my Wholeness. Because, it appears that I’ve forgotten. I’m convincing myself that I don’t deserve peace yet. I don’t deserve peace until I’ve finished my daily responsibilities. “I need to edit this writing piece.” That’s the thought, the expectation that’s circulating. As I push back against this task, as I successfully resist doing it, I continue to pursue activities that promise to fill the space. An endless stream of distractions. Getting me ready to begin the work that I intended to do in the first place. What I really wanted to do was edit this piece. That’s what I wanted to do first thing this morning. But I convinced myself that I needed to meditate, go swimming, and write my Morning Pages first. I had to conduct my “morning routine” before beginning (in quotes because it’s now 2:51pm and I’m still not “done”). A man walked into the cafe in which I find myself sitting wearing a hat that said “Just Do It”. A message from the Universe: “Just Do It Already!!! Don’t be afraid any longer. Don’t buy into the story that you need to perpetually prepare. See that you don’t even have to do this task in the first place! You don’t have to do anything! You’ve done more than enough already. You don’t have to edit this writing piece. Instead, you’re free to live in peace. You’ve done enough already. What’s the source of this expectation? What’s the source of this expectation that’s generating so much misery? If you want to do it, then Just Do It. If you want to do it, then Just Do It In This Moment! But if you don’t want to do it, then Just Drop It. After all, this expectation is self-created. You don’t actually have to do anything. This directive isn’t coming down from the heavens. If you want to go read your book on the beach, then this isn’t a distraction. That’s just the Next, Most Natural Thing. Don’t waste your energy on resisting your current Reality. Vibe Check. See the I-Must-Be-Perfect Expectations. Then, release ‘em. And release the tension right along with ‘em. Release the resistance. Because you never needed to edit this writing piece. You never needed to check this box in order to live in peace. Living in peace carries no prereqs. Dropping all resistance is the only requirement for peace in the present. Dropping all resistance and dropping in fully to the present moment. That’s it. You don’t need another iced matcha latte. You don’t need another smoothie. You don’t need another workout. You don’t need to go take an ice bath. You don’t need another meal. You don’t need to change to a location that’s different than the one where you’re currently sitting. You don’t need ‘a more optimal setting’. All you need to do is what you want to. All you need to do is the Next, Most Natural Thing. All you really need to do is just be. Peace is hiding in the present. Peace is always present in the present. Unwrap the gift. Open to it. It’s waiting for you, outside, wrapped neatly under a Christmas palm tree. Unwrap the gift. Open to it. You deserve it. Because you’ve done enough already.”